Rivaille: Humanity's Best Babysitter
by lalalightwood
Summary: AU Shingeki no Kyojin! Levi is the Jaeger's personal own babysitter. **Levi and baby!Eren** (Warnings: T for language).
1. Chapter 1

AU Shingeki no Kyojin! Levi is the Jaegar's personal own babysitter for the Jaegers Levi and baby!Eren.

* * *

Levi had always hated his life- he hated the people he spoke to; hated the school he attended... but most of all, Levi hated his job. Levi hated the way the little brat's sticky finger prints would leave marks all over his pristine clothes; the way the little brat always cried when he was hungry. He especially hated the stubbornness of the brat. What kind of baby stayed up till 11 o' clock waiting for his big sister to get in from going out each night for crying out loud?

"Alright brat," Levi pointed at said brat, who was staring up at him with those damn eyes of his from his cot. "Mr and Mrs Jaeger have gone out for the night. So you're stuck with me. Got it? No funny business, or I'll kick your ass." The baby frowned at him, as if understanding every single word the babysitter said. Not normal for your everyday 2 year old, huh?

"Come on then brat, let's go and watch some TV." And with that, Levi hauled the child out from his cot and stalked into the living room. Levi dumped the child into his buggy, then threw himself into the chair next to it. He picked up the remote, and started to flick through different channels.

"Boring. Boring. Boring. Shit. Boring. Boring. Oh?~" Levi dropped the remote and sat back. He'd missed this week's episode of Attack on Titan, and was planning on catching up on what he had missed (damn school). Unfortunately, some little brat had some other plans. He was quite enjoying himself when...

"_Heichō!"_ Oh, not _this_ again. Ever since Levi had played some little game with the brat -(okay. Levi'd had the little brat crawling after people, clawing at the back of their necks. But hey, it wasn't his fault. Blame the media. Yeah, that was it)- and pretended to be the 'Captain' of said 'squad'. Annnd~ the brat had taken a liking to calling him -Levi- _Heichō. _Quite embarrassing in public actually, but the brat refused to budge on it. See what he meant about stubbornness?

"_Heichō!" _

_"_Yes, yes. What is it, brat?"

Levi just watched as the child pointed to the screen, frowning. "Titans." Staring at him, Levi noticed something odd: had the brat slid down in his buggy or was it just him? Levi had only actually just started dumping the brat in the buggy because he'd been getting too big to fit in his bouncer. He could have sworn that he was missing something. Weren't babies supposed to stay put in buggies? Nah. Probably just the brat being too difficult.

"Yes. Titans. Now, shut up before I turn into one and eat you." The brat just stared _-stared!- _at Levi. It was like the brat was challenging him. Challenging him, the great _Heichō (_there's nothing wrong with referring to yourself like that. Totally not. Especially when you're as badass as Levi). Shaking his head, Levi hauled himself off of the chair and walked back over to the buggy.

"Oi brat. You're falling. Stay still or you're going to fall off. I won't be getting my wages then." Picking the brat up by the bag of his shirt, Levi tried to look for whatever was making the brat slip down. He noticed some things that looked like car belts in the buggy, and just stared at them and itched the back of his head with his other hand.

"Brat, what are these for?" He must have been losing it. No one with functioning brain cells would ask a baby a question. He needed to get some friends. Oh, right. He did have friends. He just shunned them, damn annoying punks...

Now, back to the question at hand- why would a buggy need seat belts? Wait... were the Jaegers some illegal, lets-race-our-child-in-his-buggy-for-money type of people? That could get pretty dangerous if the brat was involved in a crash or something. Maybe Levi should inform the authorities or something.

Meh, be wasn't going to tell on the Jaegers. Firstly, it'd kick him out of the job. Secondly, Mr Jaeger had spent time looking after his best friend a few weeks back (damn Erwin and his asthma)! Besides, Levi didn't care about the brat at all. Nope, the brat could pretty much get eaten by a Titan and Levi wouldn't care, no sir!

But still, Levi didn't want the kid to injure himself on his watch. He'd lose this weeks pay. And that damn sister of his (Mika? Mikage? Mikasi?) would go bloody nuts, the damn sister-complex that she is. With that in mind, Levi picked up the brat and sat himself back down onto his chair, the buggy long since forgotten. Now, back to Attack on Titan...

* * *

_Around 20 minutes later_

"What?! Petra's dead? What the actually hell. Why?" Levi and the brat were furious. He'd been waiting a week. One whole week. To watch this episode, just to watch Petra (Levi wouldn't admit it out loud, but he had a small crush on the character) and she died? That's it. After Levi got out of this hell hole, he was writing a letter- an angry letter. No one kills off Petra like that. Unconsciously, Levi knew this wasn't a healthy reaction to a TV show, but he was a fanboy, so who actually cared?

Heh, seemed the brat agreed with him. The little fellow was bright red in the face. He seemed to be straining against something. Must be angry. Although, Levi didn't remember anger having a scent... a distinctly strong scent that seemed to come from...

"Brat, you have got to be kidding me? You decide to shit yourself _now_?"

The damn brat had the nerve to laugh at him. The little shit knew that he didn't know how to change a nappy! Speaking of shits...

"I suppose I'm going to have to change you or something now, huh? Wait here a sec."

Okay, mission 'Change the brat's nappy' has officially begun. First task- find the nappies. Easier said than done. The Jaegers -knowing that their little treasure often kept his little gifts for them- had never told Levi where they'd hidden the spare nappies. Oh, could things get any worse? _Think Rivaille, think. If I was a buggy-racing maniac, where would I put my brat's nappies?_

The kitchen? Nope. Just a rack of sterilized bottles ready for Levi to use if the brat got hungry.

The cupboard under the stairs? Non.

The Jaeger's bedroom? Nada. Just a bunch of clothes thrown everywhere.

Oh crap. Sudden realization. The basement. MLevi brought a hand up to his hair and tugged on the roots uselessly. It was a well known fact that Dr. Jaeger had a few screws loose when it came to 'looking after' his children. Hell, he'd chased Mikasi (Levi really needed to find out her name) around the neighborhood for two hours straight with an injection which claimed would "transform her into the perfect human being". His words, not Levi's. Now, why would the basement be home to the brat's nappies? Well, it's not as morbid as it seems- the house was tiny; the Jaeger's needed storage space. Simple.

However, Levi did NOT want to go down there. Why? The place was filthy! It made Levi shudder to even think about it. The Jaeger's never cleaned, not once. It was horrifying. The first day Levi'd started babysitting, he went on a cleaning spree around the entire household. Granted, he did get payed extra, but Levi wasn't prepared to clean today (I know, shock right?). There had to be some nappies somewhere.

Well well, what to do...?

Ahh, bingo. The little shit was useful for once. Levi would have never thought to have looked under the buggy. He supposed not everyone was entirely worthless, right?

"Okay brat, let's get this over and done with."

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**a/n:** And... yeah. This is just a little scene me and my fellow SnK friend were talking about... because it's be completly hilarious to see Levi babysitting: "EW. IT'S MAKING FILTH" or something.

This is my first SnK so be nice? ^o^

And be warned: I might add another chapter, if I feel like it. Meh. :3


	2. Chapter 2

"_Nani?_"

Levi had pulled out the nappy. It didn't seem to fit Levi's first impressions at all.** A nappy:** a piece of towelling or other absorbent material wrapped round a baby's bottom and between its legs to absorb and retain urine and faeces. Basically underwear, right? Wrong! First of all, what was the front and what was the back? Why was it _pink_? And why was the brat squirming and screaming like a freakin' banshee?

"Oi oi, brat. Stop. Look, titans? Yes? No.. Come on, stop moving!" Looks like it didn't matter if Levi couldn't put the nappy on the right way anyway... the brat wouldn't even let the nappy near him. Levi hoped the brat wouldn't become a nudist in the future, that'd be a little awkward, heh. Don't want to be blamed on corrupting the next generation.

Sitting next to the brat, Levi pulled out his phone and went onto the internet. After scrolling for a few seconds, Levi came across a website called "Nappy changing for Dummies". After scowling at the insult, Levi clicked the link and began reading through the steps:

**Step one- Put the old towel or changing mat on the surface where you're changing your baby. Put the clean nappy next to the changing mat.**

_Did the brat really need to be placed on a changing mat? The chair would do just a well, right?_

**Step two- Lay your baby on the changing mat.**

_Eh~ chair, mat. Same difference._

**Step three- Open the nappy's tabs and get rid of the nappy.**

_Tabs? What freaking tabs? What sort of instructions were these- oh, fuck it._

"Stay right here, brat." With that, Levi walked into the kitchen and got a pair of scissors from the draw. Walking back out, he walked back towards the brat and cut the nappy off (of course, Levi was very careful. He was strangely talented with blades).

**Step four- Lift your baby's ankles with one hand and use the other to put the clean nappy under his bottom. On a disposable nappy, the side with the tabs go at the back**

_Yes, we get the idea. But what way round does the nappy go? Ah. If it fits, it sits.. something like that._

**Step five- Your baby should be lying on the clean nappy, so it's just a case of doing up the nappy's tabs.**

_Again with the tabs! What tabs? What are these so called tabs... Oh, those things at the sides that stretch. Okay then._

Satisfied with his work, Levi sat the brat up and dumped him back onto the sofa. To be honest, he was fairly please with himself- for someone's first time changing a nappy, he did good. Heck, he should even start up his own business of nappy changers.

Levi shouldn't start up his own business of nappy changers; he hated his life at the moment. Imagine being elbow-deep in baby shit 6 hours a day. Shudder.

* * *

Okay, so I wrote this because recently I babysat my nephew for my sister. The little bugger decided to empty his bowels on me, and I (being the untrained, awkward babysitter that I am) was forced to change his nappy. It did not go well. Yes, I had to also google how to change a nappy. And guess what? I PUT IT ON THE WRONG WAY ROUND. Don't ask me how.

Anyway, take this as an way for me to express my frustrations on nappies.


	3. Could we consider this an author's note?

Ah, well... this is awkward.

Hello readers. After posting the last chapter, I've only just realized that some readers might not exactly know what a nappy is... so, here's Levi to help explain!

"Tch, women. Can you not push me like that?"

"Listen to me once in a while then, baka~"

"Oh whatever. Oi, naive brats, listen up. A nappy is basically a diaper. Got that? A diaper."

"I thought that you were going to go into more detail with it..."

"About a nappy? Tch. How?"

"I don't know! You're the babysitter!"

*glares* "So are you.. supposedly."

"Ha, like you know any better."

"Nani?"

"Ahaha... nothing. That's all folks! Say bye now Levi."

"Che. Just let me get back to the shitty brat already."

"Oh yeah.."

* * *

S/N: hope that explains things, and I'm sorry about the crappy dialogue... I just didn't know how to add in the nappy/diaper thing quickly enough. XD


End file.
